I always knew that I would be the "tougher one" when it came to raising our kids. I pretty much figured out that Hubs would be a pushover when he began letting the dog sleep in our bed because (and I quote) "she seems lonely on the floor."
Ky and Ariana both love their Daddy more than I could express through words. Their faces light up when they see him, they both race to the door when he comes home, and Ky especially is Hubs' #1 fan - always asking for him and about him and always wanting "Dada" to do it.
I always tried not to take it personally when Ky would ask for Dada when he woke up, or Dada to give him his lunch, or Dada to change him. I just figured it was because he was with me all day and by the time Dada got home, he was bored with me.
BUT NO. I figured it out. It's because I'm the tough one. It's because when he wakes up randomly in the middle of the night, I explain to him that it's nighttime and he has to go back to sleep and let him CIO a bit, where Dada just brings him in our bed. Or if it's lunchtime and Ky is chanting, "juice box! juice box!" and he has already had one today, I give him water, but DADA gives him juice. I also do all the things he hates like clip his nails. Administer medicines. Use the Nosefrida which Ky thinks is a torture device. I pick wipe his nose and wash his hands put him in the occasional time out. And when he's "done" with dinner and he's freaking out and shouting "get down!" and the rest of us are still eating? I explain to him that we all eat as a family and he'll have to sit quietly and wait til we're done. Dada takes him out and lets him loose.
Its so frustrating. I love my husband and he's an amazing father, but I sometimes wish he would join me in disciplining instead of just giving in and always being the good guy. I know Ky is still a baby, but how else do you teach toddlers things? And does this explain why Ky asks for him over me? Because he knows I'll say no to his 3rd juice box of the day, or because he knows Dada will take him out of his crib when he should be sleeping? Is he going to hate me forever because I'm the disciplinarian? But doesn't someone have to be??
Sigh. Do you deal with this in your family? Who is the disciplinarian and who is the pushover? Am I being too hard on him since he's only a baby? Oh, and don't even get me STARTED on how much my PARENTS give-in. That's a whole 'nother post on it's own... ha!
9 comments:
It is the same way at my house. My husband calls my basic discipline tactics "torture" for my son, so we often clash about what to do. I don't think shutting the door of your son's bedroom for 5 minutes is torture. He has to have consequences for not staying in his bed at night! My husband is definitely the softie, but still, my son prefers me over daddy. I think it is because I get on the floor and play with him more maybe.
You are not alone. My DD is 3.5 and is a total Daddy's girl. I am the bad guy and therefore not the preferred parent. Her Daddy will do whatever it is she wants to do and give her whatever she wants. I try not to let it hurt my feelings, but let's be honest. It DOES. Good luck!!!
Oh, yes -- same situation here! We knew it would be that way before the kids were even born, and we were right. My older daughter, who's almost 3, totally knows that she can butter daddy up and pretty much get what she wants. Sometimes it's cute, but often it's frustrating. I'm learning to pick my battles, but the older she gets, the more having a consistent approach matters. Guess we'll see how things play out over time. I may have to get tougher with my husband on when he needs to put his foot down.
I struggle with this a lot too. Especially with juice and waking up in the middle of the night. I want to teach him to like water and sleep all night on his own but when he's up for the third time that night and all I want to do is sleep- it's hard. I always think of him as "still a baby" even though he's 17 months. I know he "understands" go back to sleep- but he looks so hurt that he can't come sleep with us. If you find the answers please share!
We have a slightly different balance of power in our house. We're fortunate that about most things we're on the same disciplinary page. That being said, Elden isn't quite 7 months so we haven't had any real conflicts to address. On the whole, though, I'm more of the softie because I work full-time so I rarely see him as is. Also, his cries (the sad ones, he's just starting to get into temper tantrum consciousness) SLAY me. Jon encourages him to CIO at night but I always jump into "what if he's sick/scared/etc" mode. I'm curious to see how any dynamics shift as Elden gets older!
We are on the same page mostly. We don't offer her juice so no issues there, we both cuddle her when necessary... She has the rest of her life to be disciplined...she actually sits through dinner without any complaints 90% of the Times. If she doesn't want to, that's fine....we are very relaxed here and she is so well mannered. I meet someone everyday who tells us what a great toddler she is. We don't force her to adapt to things we want to do. She has opinions too that deserve listening to.
It seems like most dads leave the disciplining to the mommies.I think it's easier to be strict with kids if you're looking after them all day,compared to only seeing them for a few hours each day.But you don't have to worry - Ky and Ariana will not love you any less for being the enforcer of all things necessary,their just a little small to realise that you love them just as much as the fun parent.
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I know it'll be that way in our household too. I will handle all of the day-to-day discipline, but if you make Daddy mad, you're in TROUBLE.. it takes a lot to make him mad. I'm sure that'll come into play more as a teenager.. what five year old can really rebel enough for it to be major? I'd love to hear anything you come up with, though!
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